WHAT DOES 25 MARCH MEAN TO ME?

It is often very difficult to describe one’s experiences. The experience of a life, at least in my case, is very much about what I am living today, in the present moment. It is about articulating what is deepest within me, my relationship with God. When in the presence of God, one can only remain in silence, in adoration, admiration, love....
For me the 25 March is a symbol, a synthesis of what I have always desired and still desire in my life.

WHAT DOES 25 MARCH MEAN TO ME?

 

 

 

It is often very difficult to describe one’s experiences.  The experience of a life, at least in my case, is very much about what I am living today, in the present moment.  It is about articulating what is deepest within me, my relationship with God.  When in the presence of God, one can only remain in silence, in adoration, admiration, love....

 

I am filled with hope as I live this, my jubilee year.  The 25 March is just a single day but in celebrating God’s love, I think of my whole life.  On 25 March this year I will publicly renew my vows with great joy in our parish community just as so many married couples celebrate their Golden Wedding Anniversary.  This renewed commitment is much deeper, more solid than those first vows that I made long ago and I am more in love than ever, surer of God’s love for me and more abandoned to God’s will for me.

Little by little I have come to understand that God does not relate to us as “servants” but rather as “dearly loved sons and daughters”.  I have understood that God’s will for me and for all of us is that we be happy.  If earthly parents want this for their children, how much more does God want happiness for us?  This is what Jesus told us.

 

All that God wants is to see us happy, in peace, free, good.  Many times I have found that if I am not happy, then it is very difficult for me to do good, to love my neighbour, to love all people in spite of everything, in spite of the difficulties of daily life.

I have had the good fortune to live with the poor.  I was not always able to do what I would have liked but I have gladly carried out the mission entrusted to me.  If I weigh the fruits of my work, I experience myself with empty hands.  I see very little fruit after so much energy spent, so much work and sometimes futile worry...However I leave all in God’s hands and know that I have a heart full of love.  That is why I feel happy, grace-filled, full of love for my sisters and the people with whom I live – the people of Paraguay who have taught me so much and who have helped me to live the Gospel.  I feel full of love for my family, for the sisters in the Province of Spain who welcome me back just as I am when I return on leave.

 

So I have a lot to celebrate during this Jubilee year.

I have read the passage in Leviticus 25, 8 and I asked myself what do these words mean: “ A holy year, a year of liberation, justice and holiness”; “The earth cannot be sold...because the earth is mine”...”God brought us out of slavery and called us to walk upright, free ...”

 

I reflected a great deal on these words and I wish to free myself from egoism and abandon myself to GOD ALONE.  How it hurts me to see how far away we are, how far I am from practising JUSTICE AND MERCY AS GOD DOES.  

 

I found it hard to believe in God’s love.  I was not spared suffering – my own and that of members of my family – but God showed me mercy and was very present to me in the extraordinary gestures of love and peace on the part of my sisters who have always had great patience with me.  So for these and so many other things I have so much to thank God for and so much to celebrate.  For the rest of my life I want to thank all my sisters and I say with all my heart:

 

THANK you God for the life you have given me.

Perhaps in the eyes of some it has been a life of failure...an absurd, useless life, one that has not made good use of the talents that God has given me.

But being in God’s hands is enough for me; all that matters to me is to go on loving whether I feel God’s presence or not, in suffering and pain.

I follow a sure path when I remain in God’s hands.

This beautiful stage of my life that I am enjoying at present, here in Paraguay or elsewhere is a great grace; it is a long journey for those who wish to remain in God’s hands.

Today O God let my self-giving be pleasing to you.  May my gift of self please you in spite of my weaknesses which more than anything else awaken your love and tenderness.

My gratitude is a small thing but it is pleasing to you and I desire with all my heart to feel, each day, your loving motherly, fatherly arms around me.

 

Amelia Fernandez

Community of Nemby, Paraguay