I am Jean Marilag; a very simple girl came from a simple family in town of San Isidro. My parents are farmers. All that my mother taught me was to have fear of God and not to forget Him in my daily Life no matter whatever that happens. But I didn’t have any idea of who God is. I only know that Jesus sacrificed Him for the people but I did not know the reason why. I entered the convent when I was 17 years old without any knowledge about the Bible and about the Religious life. I felt at that time that I am floating in the air. In addition, my family faced problems at home, therefore, I was asked to go out.
Three years being outside, I do not have any idea of what I will do. I went for work for my brother’s financial need to support his studies. In my work place as a sales woman, I encountered lot of people and had conversation with them every day that made me patient, humble, to be attentive, to be present, to be aware in my words and actions, and to put my life in reality to be loyal and to have trust in myself. I gained knowledge and understanding that helped me to be matured. I encountered different challenges that helped me to be solid. People whom I have met had become my friends. I see that God wants me to be firm and it was God’s way for me to learn more things about the reality.
I often thought about that if I am really for Religious Life. My thoughts led me to talk to God about my life. I always told Him whatever you want from me Jesus let it be, I will accept. Work experience helped me to learn to balance myself in any circumstance and especially I learnt to take time to think before the actions. The work helped me to stand on my own feet and to be courageous, to be firm and be always ready to face the challenges. I experienced a lot of freedom because everything is about what I want. Nevertheless, that did not give me happiness or satisfaction. I became aware of God’s signs for me to pray, to go to church and to visit the Blessed Sacrament. These began to become my precious moments that slowly gave me peace.
When the time came for me to give up everything I have, as I recognized the voice of God calling me, it was so difficult and very hard, because I did not know how to do it. But God directed me through people and made a way for me to put all the anxiety aside. He made everything to appear useless and made my heart to feel satisfied and happy in searching for Him. God made His chosen one to be empty, took away from me all the hindrances, and helped me to say ‘Yes’ to Him. My three years of stay outside is really a preparation for me to surrender my whole being to Him. God never abandoned me, instead he has given me help to be strong and guided my way and gave protection and strength to be solid and matured to face my life in reality. In this way, God gave me a good realization that He is truly alive and works through each one and me. He is present. He is faithful. His love is forever. My life became meaningful. God’s love cannot be compared in this world. I have changed because of God’s love. I feel His presence and that He is walking with me.
And this is the time that I firmly decided to come back to the Holy Family of Bordeaux. When I decided, I felt the happiness in my heart because God really touched my life to be with Him. I am very thankful to this Family for receiving me again in the religious life. God worked through people and those people are the Holy Family Sisters who touched my life and I have changed. Without you, I will never become who I am now. You helped me to know God and to have intimate relationship with Him by not only accepting me and helping me to understand who God is for me at this point of my life.
I know that this is only the beginning of my life journey with Jesus and the Holy Family. I will do all in my part to have a good foundation and the strong faith foundation to say ‘Yes’ to God over and over again, until my life, becomes more fruitful for the Holy Family of Bordeaux to shine in the Philippines – all for the glory of God Alone!
Jean Marilag
(Pre-Novice)